Mommy must read: I Mommy #Failed

I sent my son in alone, how could I have done it? I'm angry with myself. I keep thinking of the panic fear look on his face when he came out of the dentist. Not to mention face red and streaming tears. I wish I had a rewind button.

It started out great, x-ray, cleaning, and a exam. Curious George held in his arm and then George got an exam too. My son took pictures and flirted with the nurses. He need fillings and caps, due to his of excessive thirst and carrying juice around all the time. 2 options available: do it in the office or go to the hospital under anesthesia. Well I don't want to knock him out, more risks involved and they could even work him in to save a trip (80miles there).

They offer private rooms or he could go in with public area. I was not allowed in public area and it would take time to get a private room. We talked and to my understanding if it got bad they would come get me. I signed a form they could restrain him with a blanket (basically straight jacket suit) for their protection and his.

He leaves me leading the nurse and happy as could be. I told him it would be ok they would help him. 3 years he has never been away from me, no babysitter or family members have kept him. He was alone with strangers and things went sour fast. He fought, cried, panicked, had fear, was scared, and where was his mom. I was in a waiting room with other moms following the heard and oblivious to my sons emotional turmoil. Yes, he was restrained, his mouth held open, and in his mind where is my mommy *I'm alone & these people are hurting me.*

The first thing the nurse said "you have a fighter." My son gripping me in panic and bewilderment, he was practically in shock and crying. His hair was dripping wet with sweat and shoes in him arms. As the receptionist was trying to write another appointment he was leading me out the door. We got out to the steps and I was putting his shoes on him. He was crying they hurt me, they hurt me, and I needed you momma.

He let me know what hurt the most was "I was not there." So I know, I Mommy #Failed. In the car still upset, I pulled us into Chucky Cheese. Our first time ever at Chucky Cheese, the tears stopped. I'll tell more later about Chucky Cheese, but I want to stick to the dental experience. You can see in the picture below how sweaty he was 20 minutes after the dentist.

Own the way home he napped and then when he would talk about it he would cry, still his main fear was mommy wasn't there and that was when he would cry and tear up. He said it hurt, I ask did you tell them? No momma, I couldn't there was something holding my mouth open and could not hold my hand up cause they tied me up.

Last night he said I don't like bullets in my mouth. He figures they shot him and still you wasn't there momma was the last words he said as he drifted to sleep. I'm very upset with myself and he will not go in alone again for anything. Just seeing my face with him would have helped with some of that fear.